Read, Watch, Listen

Nice People

2009-09-29T19:53:00.002-05:00

If you are ever in a position to compliment somebody, give them an encouraging word or even just smile at somebody; do it!

I (as well as Mike) have recently started going to the YMCA a couple of times a week in a concentrated effort to better my health as well as look better in my clothes (vanity I know). Over the last week or so I've had a hard time continuing this pattern. It had nothing to do with pains or injuries and more so to do with laziness and not wanting to feel the burn during a work out. But then Melissa complimented me on the hard work Mike and I were putting into this project of ours and told us we were giving her the motivation to work on some of her projects. So in not wanting to let somebody down, I dragged my butt to the gym the next day and felt AWESOME afterwards.
The day after that I was tired and sore but based on my attitude the day before Mike drug me back to the gym. That day for the first time since I've started going, one of the guys that worked out on the same days we did came over and started talking to us. Giving us kudos for starting a routine young in life ( he's probably in his 50's or so) and told us to keep it up. So we did.
After a particularly hard workout (Mike is an awesome fitness coach if anybody is looking for one) Mike was helping me stretch when another member of the gym came over and joked around with us for a bit all while giving me pointers on stretching based on the workout he saw Mike put me through.
And then today. Today, I was feeling awful about myself, a bad image day you could say. Every mirror I walked by at the Y made me feel like an elephant, I was tired and nothing about me was positive. Despite this or maybe because of this, Mike made sure to push me to my limit to show me my potential. By the end of the workout I felt better but still didn't feel like I had done enough cardio for the day.

With 15 minutes left until Mike was done with his volunteering I decided to see if I could walk a mile around the indoor track. In case you didn't know, approximately 18 laps is one mile. So I start off and eventually an older woman in her late 60's passes me!! But she smiles and tells me that she was glad to see me still coming in and putting in a good workout, and then walks ahead of me. I had saw her a couple of times walking but I hadn't realized she was watching me.

But she had noticed me so I picked up the pace a little and finally when I had about 4 laps to go, I pass her. This time she applauded me. She literally clapped her hands while walking a track with about a dozen people below playing volleyball. She clapped and told me way to go, keep it up! And I did. My shins were killing me, I felt like I was flopping my feet down instead of stepping and my calves were burning but I finished ahead of her and within my allotted 15 minutes.

If nothing else keeps me coming back to the Y it will be the people who make me feel wanted, who make me feel like I'm progressing and the people who applaud me on the track. To all the nice people of the world, I say thank you! Thank you for pushing the rest of us on with a simple word, a simple gesture and a simple curving of the lips.

Scary freaking movie!

2009-09-12T09:13:00.003-05:00

So I very much dislike scary movies for the most part. I have never willingly sat down and said to myself, "I think I'll scare myself tonight and watch a horror movie". Nope, not me, I would rather do the dishes (which I hate) than watch a scary movie. I don't understand why anybody would want to sit nervously for 1 hour or 2 waiting on something to happen or be prepared to jump whenever the music gets a little horrorish, you know when the clock starts ticking ominously and the music gets louder with the increase in drums probably, anyway no, I don't like sitting through them. Not only do I almost go through a nervous breakdown just waiting on the inevitable to happen BUT generally I jump at everything afterwards.
That said, while at my sisters Friday night at ohhh, about midnight, my wonderful husband and brotherinlaw (do you hear the sarcasm yet?) decided to watch a movie. Yay! I love movies, we have a large selection to choose from so I was slightly excited, UNTIL I got upstairs to the loft to discover we were watching a movie called The Unborn ( I think). Which is basically about a girl being haunted by zombie looking child. I'm not going into too much detail in case you want to watch and haven't yet.
Not fun, I didn't want to watch it but alas, we were there and Mike and Aaron had been waiting until we all could watch it together, so there we were; log cabin, middle of the woods, middle of the night, several large windows with no blinds, and two dogs scratching at the back door at different intervals throughout the movie.
I watched it, I made it throughout the whole terrible ordeal and actually, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. There were scenes with heads turning upside down, and 4 year olds killing people and general haunting by demons but the closer to explaining it they got, the more comfortable I got. Until, Melissa being my lovely older sister decided to tell me I needed to check on my dog. I assumed it was because he kept whining and scratching on the door and she wanted me to let him in and this being her house, I wasn't going to complain.
So down the stairs I started to the back door that looked out into the woods, black with night when I heard some furious whispering going on behind me. I turned around in time to see my big sister open her mouth to make a creepy half dead sound she specializes in AND my husband, who by the way has promised to love and protect me, get up to flip the lights off in hopes they could scare the livin' daylights out of me. Had I not caught them in the act, I'm sure I would have screamed bloody murder. Instead, I safely made it to the back door to let their dog and my dog inside and back up to the loft where I wiggled myself between Melissa and Mike to finish watching this movie which was making me jump at every sound. Did I mention that when this log cabin settles it creaks like somebody is walking on the roof?
yeah, anyway so this movie, IF you like scary movies or maybe you're in the mood for something different I would suggest it. It does its job well with a few surprises here and there. Although I'm still not sure why anybody would want to put themselves through watching it, Mike even suffered some battle wounds from me watching with my nails dug into his flesh, but what's a little payback right?

Houses & Mascara

2009-08-28T17:26:00.004-05:00

The things we learn without noticing it amazes me! I was recently getting ready for work and looked down at the mascara I was putting on. It's the exact type my sister was using when I was learning how to wear makeup as a teenager...I don't even know why I wear this kind except, tadaa! it's what Melissa wore. Or the fact that I wouldn't dream of using anything but Dawn dish soap. and why is that you ask? Because that's what my mom used. I don't know anything different about Dawn than any other soap but somewhere I picked up the habit of using Dawn. Nobody ever stressed the point of using the specific mascara or dish soap, nobody told me it was better or anything but that's what I have chosen to do. So in all of this I'm wondering about the choice of buying a house.

I want to buy a house, I want a place that is my very own BUT I wonder if this desire is something I really want or if it's something that society has told me I want. I am susceptible to mass media ( really I am, I can't count the times I've went and got a cheeseburger at 11 o'clock at night thanks to commercials) and according to most tv shows, books, movies, etc., first comes marriage, then comes a house, then babies. So my want for a house could just be that urge to fit into what mainstream is telling me. I have the urge for a house but our apartment is very much a home that I am content it. I love the apartment my husband and I live in now, it's unique in some ways and in others it's better than a house. For example, our toilet started acting funny, so we called our landlord, he came and looked at it and deemed we needed a new one. Voila, the end, there was nothing left for us to worry about, very unlike if we owned our home. So why? Why the urge to buy a house and be slightly held into permanence, when I really have no reason to? Yeah, it's upstairs, there is no washer/dryer and it's slightly small but other than that I really have no complaints. So the urge to buy a house could just be something I have picked up along the way, much as I did dish soap and mascara or maybe it's something I really want. Until I can tell I difference though, I'm planting my butt where it is and being happy. And maybe watch a few more movies where the married couple buys a home right away..hey I'm not the one with a mortgage then. If you read this and own/buying a house, why? I'm just curious.

Guys and Their Video Games

2009-08-23T09:45:00.002-05:00

Probably if you read this post, you know I work at Wal-mart, if didn't know; I work at Wal-mart in the photo lab. Recently there was an x-box 360 Madden 10 football tournament held beside the photolab on one of the display televisions. To the passerby it looked pretty normal, a bunch of guys standing around a large screen televison watching other guys play their turn. There were cookies, chips, pop, gamer magazines, and a couple of chairs. It looked like either a living room or tailgate party, which I am sure was the point. Anyway, as I said, the group looked pretty normal to pass by BUT if you had watched from the very beginning of the 4 hour tournament you would see this little observation.
If you put a random collection of guys together, who probably don't know each other, they don't speak; they continue to do whatever it is they are doing in silence. However, if you put a random collection of guys together and let them play video games together for a couple of hours, Voila! the words begin to come forth! It seems like the game is an equalizer and the solitatry awkwardness that is there in the beginning fades away. By the 2nd or 3rd hour of the same group of guys playing through the tournament bracket there were cheers for this guys or mild trash talk for another and discussions on playing strategy going on. They weren't best friends at the end but they were no longer standing with at least 3 feet of space between them andsilent.
I've also noticed the same thing when guys come over to hang out with Mike. The video games come on and they discuss a whole range of topics while playing but I've only saw once or twice when there was a long discussion without the xbox being on. This whole thing makes me wonder if the games make it easier to talk because their mind is half focused on another activity or if they just get more comfortable talking when they are doing something they feel confident about at the same time...either way or maybe neither way, it is interesting to watch a group of guys interact when you put them with videogames. And in case you were wondering Kevin Jones won the tournament.

2009-08-18T13:18:00.005-05:00

Does it ever feel like the whole world is getting ready for something but you're not? Or maybe your life is busy but it's only because you are helping everybody else and there is actually nothing going on in yours..yeah, that's about right. So everybody is doing something around here it seems like.

Firstly (if that's even a word) my younger brother is currently in Australia for the next 3 months...yikes! I didn't really do much to help him get ready but I did talk to him a little bit and see him off Sunday morning.
Despite my slight case of jealousy over it I am excited for him and hopes he learns a lot during his semester there while enjoying another culture. My hope for him is that he will not just be a tourist but that he will steep in the local culture in an attempt to better understand their way of life. I don't know a whole lot about Australia's culture but I'm sure it is different in some ways yet the same in other. Nate, if you read this....Please, please, please do your best to take in more than tourist places, visit with locals, take walking tours of areas and eat food other than what you normally would!! Become a non-native native :) I will miss my brother but in the words of my 3 year old niece " he will be back in the snowy time and we will have lots of fun" I'm sure the time will pass quickly!

Secondly my sister and fam. are moving into a different house until they leave for Jamaica. The house they are moving into is also for sale sooo technically they are house sitting for the current owners until it sells. It's beautiful!! I fell in love with it the minute I walked in the front door and saw wooden floors and a fireplace in the front room. Basically it's a large log cabin. Everything is wooden with clean lines...it's fantastic. So anyway they are currently moving in and in attempts to help them I have made a couple of trips over to the house or have just watched the kids while Melissa got things straightened up.

Then there is Mike and I's friend Storm. Poor kid, doesn't even know what he's getting into. He bought a house that needed A LOT of work done to it. Over the summer him and his family have been putting a lot of hours into getting the house ready for him and his fiance to move into. Well the week to move in is here and there was still a lot of stuff to get done. Sssoooo, Mike and I, being the nice people we are, went over to help out a couple of days. He's a good guy but he has no work ethic at all plus very little common sense...are you getting the picture yet? So Mike and I arrange the living room, put away the kitchen, tell him where to put the furniture in his bedroom and haul crap to their perspective rooms because Storm continually asked us where to put things. In the end I felt as if I was moving in. I won't lie, I felt a little cheated when I was putting together a HOUSE for a couple who wanted to no part in where things went. I want to put things in a house for my husband and I. I love our apartment but I still felt at the end of the day the house felt more like ours than theirs. But...they are the ones with the repairs and bills so in the end it balances out.
So yeah, everybody around me seems to be doing things BUT in the end I enjoy helping people and really do I want a lot of chaos in my life? Probably not so I'll stick helping others manage theirs.

Instinct

2009-08-07T07:50:00.003-05:00

Recently Mike and I were flipping through the channels and came across an Anthony Hopkins movie. After about a 5 second clip Mike exclaimed that "I love this movie!" Turns out he had watched it many times before but couldn't remember the name of it. Now Mike being the resourceful person he is immediately got on the internet and went to IMDB (or Internet Movie DataBase) and typed in Anthony Hopkins until we discovered that the movie we were suddenly engrossed in was Instinct. I did not get to watch the entire thing because we turned to it a little more than half way through. However, from what I understand this character, played by Anthony Hopkins, was in prison but he wouldn't speak to anybody about what happened. So then he's in prison and a prison psychiatrist comes in to figure out where the sudden violence came because he had killed several men in the jungle. Turns out it was his instinct to kill them (hence the title) because the men were poachers who were shooting a tribe of gorillas that had adopted him as family. Emotional breakthroughs, family healing, friendships, yada, yada...BUT here is my point finally...what is a family?
I mean this guy was in prison for shooting poachers who were essentially attacking his family but if his family had been humans...that's a whole other topic.
Anyway, so is family a biological unit? Or is a family something that you create out of the people around you? Think about this, you get a group of 3 or 4 women together that have been friends for a long period of time and more than likely the same roles you see played out in a family will be developed among the women. There will be nurturer that everybody runs to with problems, there will be the strong willed who tries to run things, there will be the selfish one that only thinks of their issues, who in turn bickers with the strong willed one but yet, in the end they will remain friends because they accept each other including the flaws. So is this unit, who supports each other, fights with each other, probably lectures occasionally and is just generally there, is this a family??
Or maybe it's the people you work with that have created a family of sorts. One of you has a stroke and can't work. A financial gathering probably takes place, cards are signed and passed along and hospital information may be distributed. You are doing no less for that person than you would somebody that is part of your original family unit. So are they family??
Ok, so if the answer is yes, all of these are a type of family, maybe not legally but emotionally then what about the roles that are played. Anthony Hopkin's character in Instinct had a daughter at home that he never knew closely yet he was a father figure to a gorilla in the jungle. Was he a bad father? And if you create families out of the people you are with, do you have different roles in each one? Maybe that's one reason it is so hard to break into a group of friends, all the "roles" are "filled". There isn't a spot immediately apparent for you to fill so it takes awhile to find your niche in this already established family. With this in mind it would make sense then that one could be the nurturer in one group but the independent in another. Finding where you fit in is just as hard as an adult as it was as a child or teenager because of the habit we have of turning to already established roles within our groups.
So the whole point of this rambling is that yes, you should watch Instinct, it's a good movie, slightly emotional at times but still worth watching not to mention Anthony Hopkins is the lead character. Also though think about the people you've gathered around yourself, including your biological family. Have you created many small families in which you play different roles or maybe you are always the 'head of family' because you bring people together. Or maybe you will depend on one group more than another at times to fill gaps. For example in my biological family, my younger brother is leaving for Australia next week for a college semester. I won't replace him BUT I might call on my younger brother in law more often just to have that little brother role filled while he is gone.
So just some food for thought...who are your families or more important who are you to those families?

Don't say I didn't warn you!

2009-07-24T09:26:00.004-05:00

On the lines of Julie & Julia, the book I've been reading, I finished it this week. It's a good read to make you realize you are not the only person who is dealing with trying to find some purpose to the life you're currently living. However, part of the way through the book I wanted to shake her and tell her to snap of it, stop being so self absorbed. Eventually she does come out it as she and the book progress. I guess that's part of the book's appeal to some people; the emotional growing and evolution of the character as the book moves on.
Julie makes no apologies for the way she acts/reacts, she just is and does while expecting everybody to either deal with it or go away. A trait I have personally have never developed fully but secretly admire in those people who can manage it. I would still recommend reading this book because she is relatable, just be prepared to not like the main character at some point while recognizing a little of yourself in her. At the end I can almost guarantee you will like her again but only after you have come to terms with the parts of yourself you see in her. Is it a must read? No, I don't think so . But is it an interesting book that might inspire or amuse people? Definitely!! Enjoy.

So I read this book. I recognize bits of the book in me, sort of like a distorted mirror that points out things that maybe I was able to overlook . I at least give these things some thought and have a slightly emotional week in the attempt of recognizing and changing what I see, then BAM!My weeks suddenly takes on a lot of emotion that I didn't want to deal with. My sister and her family started preparing their house to go on the market.
Not a big deal, economy's in a slump, I have awhile to deal with them selling their house. Her realtor put a sign up Tuesday and did a walk through pointing out things they need to work on before their first showing. But, she reassures them, it will probably be at least a week before the first call so they have some time to work on it. NOPE! On Wednesday I get a call from my sister frantic because of the stuff her and Aaron need to finish on the house by seven that evening for the showing. So I help them paint and clean up stuff. And now they've accepted an offer on their house from that showing. So in case you were wondering I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh and a tiny part of me wanted to scream because this technically means I helped push them out of their house. One of the biggest things that had to go before moving and I helped them getting ready for it...but like I said, it was a tiny part of me.
And I have to wonder. I wasn't actively on board with the whole moving to Jamaica thing. As I mentioned in the previous blog. Yet, the time I finally admit it was happening and finally went to help them get ready was the time that one of the biggest obstacles to them leaving fell down. I mean selling a house in a small town with the economy that way it is, yeah that's a pretty big obstacle to deal with.
So here's what I'm wondering...Was God giving me the time to work/have faith past my fears and own selfish ambitions before he finished wrapping this whole thing up including a giant red bow? Was He giving me the time I needed to realize as a sister/aunt I was needed in a helping capacity and fulfill that role while spending that much more time with them so I wouldn't have regrets when they left? Whatever the reason for His timing, 'cause, only God knows, it was perfect as it always has been and will be even when we don't understand until it's over with.
So all in all, am I OK with Melissa and family leaving and moving to Jamaica? I honestly don't think I will ever be "OK" with it and I will always have fears and doubts but now I fully accept it and realize that God is bigger than my emotions even though I have some PRETTY big emotions and fears. This mission may be for Melissa and her family but I think there's also a lesson or two in there for me as well. And now I'm done babbling on a side trip....don't say I didn't warn you!

2009-07-20T08:05:00.004-05:00

Ok, so my sister Melissa and her family are officially moving to Jamaica as full time missionaries. Up until this point I've talked about it and explained it to people but for some strange reason it hadn't really seemed real, until yesterday. Yesterday I went to church and heard them speak on what they will be doing while in Jamaica as well as ask for financial and spiritual backing. It suddenly became real to me then.
Somehow until this point I guess it was kind of like reading about somebody's life in a book. You feel empathy or sadness for the character but it's not really happening to you so you indulge the emotions for a few seconds then move on..only it's not a book. I watched my sister and brother in law(Aaron) speak and then my 3 year old niece (Audrey) took the microphone and told us about a girl who was eating rocks because she had no food to eat. My three year old niece got it. She understood both that they were moving and why they were moving and I was still trying to pretend it didn't affect me in anyway.
Turns out I was wrong. I have never lived more than 45 minutes from my sister. During my last two years of college I stopped by at least once a week on my way home. While she lived at home we didn't get along at all probably because we are completely two different personalities who didn't understand each other. Now we have a relationship that is built on mutual respect and love. I know if I have a question about anything she is a person I can ask to get a honest, nonjudgemental female perspective from. She's done everything from teaching me how to use a curling iron to giving me directions to buildings on Ball State's campus over the phone. And now I feel like I'm losing her. I'm scared that my big sister won't be there when my husband and I decide to have our first child or buy our first real house or when I get a job where I'm actually using my degree. I'm scared that we are going to be such different people when they come home for visits we will have rebuild what we have all over again.
I tried convincing myself and other people that I don't need her to be there. I tried proving it by not calling or visiting her as much just to show myself that I could go on without getting her opinion or just talking to her but in the end I was wrong. I realized all of this yesterday when I heard her speaking of living in a thirdworld country where the only way I will talk to her is through Skype or email.
I've wasted a lot of time pretending this wasn't happening and not actively supporting them and all it's gotten me are headaches. I'm still excited for them. As a family they are doing what God has called them to do and stepping out in a huge leap of faith. I know she is scared also but she has a strong faith and the prayer of probably hundreds of people. I will miss them when they finally get the financial backing to go but right I can't look to far ahead. So to Melissa, Aaron, Audrey and Braylon (my nephew), I love you guys and will be right here waiting when you come home for visits.

Currently on my Reading List : Julie/Julia

2009-07-15T09:56:00.003-05:00

I am currently working my way through the book (soon to be movie) Julie and Julia. I would suggest it to anybody who is feeling pointless. You drag yourself to a job you don't necessarily hate but yet you just don't love it either. Said job takes up all your energy, both physically and emotionally because you have to try so hard just to focus and be optimistic at work and by the time you get home....there's nothing left, you're drained. Or maybe you're at a point where you no longer recognize the world around you. You are no longer what you've been for so long and some how you've gotten to this point without accomplishing what you thought you would. Enter Julie & Julia.
It follows the trials and triumphs of a real person named Julie and her quest to find some sort of point to her everyday existence. She find its and while it may not seem important to other people, it works for her and gives her a reason to fly home every evening...and no, it's not a romance, she is happily married (or so she gives the impression of).
The reading can be a little choppy at points and sometimes she throws in obscure references to people/movies/songs but as you meander with her through the story it's like reading a friends journal. In the end I hope it helps you find a passion...at least to get you through until the next one ignites.

Fences and Neighors

2009-07-14T23:52:00.000-05:00

I'm in. I'm not just dabbling my toes and reading what others have posted or even just thinking about what I'd write if somebody would read it...I'm here. I'm writing, you're reading, maybe responding and together we will hopefully influence, encourage and satisfy the nosy neighbor that every person has lurking inside. That person who wants to peek over the fence to see what their neighbor is doing, reading, listening to or thinking about. Maybe to learn, maybe to validate something they've been thinking about or maybe it's just to be nosy and keep tabs on somebody, whatever the reason, here you are peeking into my backyard.
And here I am. The neighbor you can cheerfully spy on because she makes everything known. I will tell you what books I'm currently reading and why I hate them, like them or in between. I will tell you what I thought of this movie or that and I will also take rambling side trips that I can't even begin to think about. But in the end the curiosity in you will be sated and I will get free therapy by chatting with you...Happy reading and may it be of some benefit to you.